Insights: Work Overload
But what might seem obvious may not be as obvious as all.
HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY: ARE YOU YOUR OVERLOAD? Have you examined whether you bring on the overload yourself? Are you using work as an excuse to avoid addressing personal life choices that you have made? Do you find chores at home too much? Do you resent childcare? Do you feel miserable for reasons you cannot identify, and as a result, seek out reasons to feel overloaded? Be honest with yourself as you examine this overload to first see how this serves you. Often, our discomforts serve something else in our lives, and as a result, we do not address them. Once you have cleared this up, then ask yourself: is this overload because of your “passion”?
DO YOU HAVE THE RIGHT KIND OF PASSION? There are two kinds of passion: obsessive and harmonious passion. Obsessive passion is passion where you simply cannot stop doing what you are doing. Your every moment has to be spent doing this, not because of a feeling of inspiration or excitement, but because you simply cannot stop. Harmonious passion involves hard work that is satisfying but not consuming. It also has a driven quality, but it ends up being good for you.
Contact NBG if you would like a workshop on accessing the right kind of passion.
YOU ARE MORE EMPOWERED THAN YOU THINK: The first incorrect assumption about work overload is that you can do nothing about this. You feel disempowered because you cannot reach your goals, and you feel throttled by work that is being shoved down your throat. Your attention is on how you are failing rather than how to increase your resilience and capacity, and when you read this, you feel angry because you are sure you have reached capacity. This is what anyone who did not work out would feel if they were asked to lift a 50 lb weight. Yet, a mental work-out or new organization may be exactly what you need.
LEARN HOW TO SAY NO: People who are overloaded by work do not know how to say no. Saying no is difficult because you feel as though you will disappoint the person in need. One of the things you need to examine early on is setting yourself up for disappointment. When you bite off more than you can chew to help others, you may end up disappointing yourself.
BECOME A SUPERTASKER: It is important not to buy into the naysayers who are down on multitasking. No amount of complaining about this is about to change this request of you. Multitasking is here to stay. So instead of complaining of your decreased quality of work, ask yourself: how can I become a supertasker. Supertaskers are that minority of people who become more productive while multitasking. They do not waste their energy on braking when they switch from one task to another. They are in the flow.
BEING IN THE FLOW (CONTROLLED LETTING GO) HELPS: People who have work overload often have much trouble being in the flow. If anything, the overload makes them slow and sluggish. The more overloaded they feel, the slower they become. This becomes a vicious cycle. Paradoxically, according to the laws of physics, if you load a car with more weight, its momentum will be greater. Ask yourself how to reach beyond the weight that is pushing you down-to go faster.
This however, is close to impossible if it is not done in a spirit of lightness and ease. Making a game of work can be very helpful, as it will decrease the boredom of the weight. Whenever weight slows you down, ask yourself, how can I put a carpet beneath the weight to decrease the friction? What will allow me to reach for flow?
SWITCH FROM SOLUTION-SEEKING TO BEING ON THE JOURNEY FROM TIME TO TIME: There is a subtle difference between this kind of optimism and perseverance with frustration. Make the distinction. Ask yourself: if I am looking for solutions, is it because I believe in a solution-oriented life, or because I feel forced to? Feeling forced to be solution-focused may be necessary at first, but if this is your pattern, recognize what you are suppressing. It will not last.
STRESS IS A TWO-WAY RELATIONSHIP: People who feel like their bosses are overloading them with work recognize that their bosses are under strain that they are sharing but rarely seek to alleviate the stress of the boss. Instead, you may feel picked on, when all that is happening is that you are one link in a chain startling with the unstable stock market. Consider deepening your relationship with your boss without being intrusive. Perhaps brainstorming solutions on behalf of the group, or with the group.
BUILD IN PROGRESSIVE REWARDS: Lastly, work overload is often simply reward underrepresentation. Between each task, you might want to build in a reward that drives you onto the next one. While it is important not to be a hero and simply take on undue weight, it is also important to recognize that you are a hero in that most of us only use a small percentage of what we are capable of.
ARE YOU LEVERAGING YOUR BEST? Deeper down you have to ask: Why do I not want to connect with my greatest self? What am I afraid of? Do I have a fear of success and failure? And how do I deal with these fears if I am to proceed at full speed? What would make you more aerodynamic (more workouts?), more resilient (learning the skills of focused attention) or more brilliant? How can you, even at this stage of your life, make a pact with yourself to find a capacity in yourself that you have never known? Can you give up your obsession with the norm, and reach for what is exceptional within you?
There are some simple reminders that may help you when deciding how to deal with having too much work to complete in too short a period of time.
Actions: Work Overload
DAY 1: TIME MANAGEMENT COMPANION
- Manage your time realistically and effectively
- Schedule time to return telephone calls and e-mails
- Schedule enough time to eat
- Scheduled enough time to meditate
- Scheduled enough time to relax
- Building in these elements into a work-day can help create a more realistic schedule and help decrease the sensation of work overload.
Connect to my calendar to do the above
DAY 2: COMMITMENT TO DELEGATION OR SHARING:
Identify tasks that can be delegated or shared
Send-e mail to ask someone if they can share or do part of a task
DAY 3: COMMITMENT TO CONSOLIDATING MONTHLY TASKS:
Identify how tasks can be consolidated. Are there overlaps between projects? Can you call about 2 sales rather then one? Can you bundle sales? This is a more challenging thing to do, but will be very worthwhile at the end.
DAY 4: COMMITMENT TO DIFFERENT DIETARY AND EXERCISE PLAN
Call gym to find a person trainer
Connect to calendar to schedule exercise
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Dietary commitments this week: Connect to word doc
DAY 5: COMMITMENT TO BOSS DISCUSSION
e-mail my boss to set up a time to talk about an alternate time structure in getting the work done.
Maintenance: Work Overload
Review the actions steps you have taken and revisit every week to make minor tweaks.
Insights: Lack of control
So you feel out of control-anxious, unable to manage your feelings? You feel as though you cannot last-and will not. You can’t focus or concentrate on anything except wanting out. And anything you do, you do half-heartedly. What is the psychology of someone who feels out of control?
SELF-JUDGMENT: One of the hallmarks of such a person is someone who judges himself or herself the more creative he or she becomes. It is a very difficult process to psychologically feel freer and to feel the permission to be free. The more creative we become, the more impulsive we also become. The brain’s frontal lobe has a hard time balancing impulsivity with creativity.
LOSING CONTROL MAY NEED MORE LETTING GO, NOT HOLDING ON: One of the most important reasons for impulsive and sometimes socially inappropriate actions is that we try to slow down rather than going with the flow. It is like thinking about stopping when you are skiing. That is when you truly lose control. Rather than stopping to gain control, we may need to gain balance and rhythm. Balance and rhythm in work is often really helpful. Mix in the fun with your work. Go faster when you think you should be going slower. Learn how to do these things. They require new talents and new attitudes, but learning how to move in the fast lane rather than switching to the slow lane may be your solution.
CONTROL WHAT YOU CAN – NOT EVERYTHING: Lack of control also comes from people who assume that they are more in control of things than they are. You cannot control accidents or the unpredictable. You cannot control the stock market single-handedly. You cannot control other people’s behavior for the most part. What many do not realize is that brain science research teaches us that if we try to overcontrol situations, we may actually lose compassion and become fatigued. Deep down, we may like ourselves less. If you are a caregiver, trying to overcontrol or overschedule your life may help you complete tasks, but in the process, it may deplete you of energy and you may not realize this until it is too late. Insert breaks as a rule between your controlled moments. Otherwise, it is guaranteed that you will fail.
LOOK AT YOUR UNCONSCIOUS FEARS MORE CLOSELY BY HYPOTHESIZING ABOUT THEM: Deeper down, lack of control is terrifying because we feel as though we are being destroyed. Although it may sound too glib to say that this comes from a fear of mortality, even if you are not consciously afraid of death, you probably are afraid of something related to it. What if you go suddenly? What if you get old without getting close to having the love of your life? What if the loneliness you feel never leaves you? These kinds of questions burden us, and often tip the scales over because they lurk in the unconscious. Learning to work with unconscious forces is critical to understanding your life better over time. Unburdening yourself is often more about integrating these unconscious fears than it is about gaining conscious control.
BITING OFF MORE THAN YOU CAN CHEW: Those of us who burn out because of lack of control also take on a much larger burden than is necessary. Deep down, you really have to forgive yourself first-before you can give yourself permission to deal with this lack of control. Being extra hard on yourself makes you feel like you are more in charge of what you actually are. When you focus on what you are in charge of, no matter how little, you can do much more.
SURF THE WAVES-DO NOT CONTROL THE OCEAN: Lack of control also comes from forces on the outside. And when we try to manage those forces, we try to control the ocean rather than surf the waves. This is a huge difference, and it is important for you to convert this metaphor into what is relevant in your own life. What is the ocean that confronts you? How can you surf its waves rather than control the entirely? Surfing is a complex job-it often involves waiting for the wave, surrendering to its hugeness, working with it rather than against it. With the forces in your life, how do you do this? How do you get oriented in a large city. Little by little. Chunk it up. Take your time. And be deeply focused and practiced while you do. It is amazing how much control can come from practice. Any expert will tell you this.
Actions: Lack of control
When you lack control, the following actions may be helpful:
MICROMANAGED? e-mail my boss to set up a time to talk about making a plan for greater individual control while still sticking to my deadlines.
FLEXIBILITY: build in 2 hour flexitime blocks into your schedule
Connect to calendar for flexitime
PERFECTIONISM AND PROCRASTINATION: Perfectionisms and procrastination both come from fear of failure and fear of success. Address this by talking to someone you trust. For instant help with this, request the heavily discounted CD that has changed the lives of so many people.
SIMPLE REFRAMING HELP: Examine the table below to see how you can view things differently and restructure your thoughts.
|
Pessimistic |
Optimistic |
|
I feel as though I have no control
|
I can control certain things but |
|
I feel as though I am too angry |
I am angry because I judge my |
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I feel as though I am to easily
|
I need to learn to forgive myself |
|
My eating is out of control
|
I will make one healthy eating |
|
I am not exercising |
I will use the stairs the next |
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REALITY CHECK: Most people in most jobs cannot do everything they have to do. Realize that there will always be more things to do.
SCHEDULE SOMETHING YOU LOVE AND CAN BE IN CONTROL OF
Maintenance: Lack of control
Review the actions steps you have taken and revisit every week to make minor tweaks.
Insights: Insufficient reward
You don’t feel that you get what you deserve. Perhaps you never have? Are you afraid to ask for it? Does asking for it spoil it. You want to be recognized for who you are.
START WITH REWARDING YOURSELF: Think about champions who are rewarded for what they do. What are they like? Do they ask for rewards? They want them. They implicitly ask for them. But they, more like any other category of performance, know, that rewards only come when you most fully acknowledge your highest capabilities. Champions start internally-with focus, determination, an understanding of the rules, and then how they can improvise around this. This is how all reward begins. Know the rules. Know the skills. Know yourself. And don’t stop short of the greatest that you have to offer. Stay internal as long as you can. The longer you do, the more your reward will be. Intrinsic motivation is where all reward begins. If you cannot feel rewarded by being who you are, this probably needs much deeper examination.
SETTLING SELF-DOUBT IS THE FIRST STEP: Once you have addressed this aspect of reward, you have to begin to look at the work world differently. Asking for what you deserve certainly has a place, but it is most convincing if you believe in yourself. If you doubt yourself while you are asking the person listening will doubt you too. That is simply brain mechanics-mirror neurons. When you ask for more, you also want to give the other person some autonomy, and not make them feel like they have nowhere to go…in most instances this works much better than bullying someone into giving you a reward.
ASSUME THE POINT OF VIEW OF THE POWER PERSON: It all starts with expressing a preference: “I am feeling like I need to feel the rewards of my hard work, and I can’t. The most obvious thing is to ask you for more, but before I do, I need to know – at which point will I actually deserve a reward, from your perspective. I want to remain unbiased, but I also want to express how I feel.” This puts the ball in the other person’s court. It makes them less defensive. It may make them also less inclined to feel forced, but you can build this up. “For me, the question is at which point will my tolerance be reached-but more importantly-I want to make this work and be active from the beginning and not wait until it is too late. I also want to be considerate of all that you face. So let’s just open up this conversation-honestly?”
SELF-SABOTAGE: Absence of rewards also often comes from us-yes-believe it or not-we often put ourselves in positions where we do not feel rewarded. We are afraid that empowerment is rude, or that determination is greedy-often because we address this too late. Deep down, what has occurred in your life that you feel that you do not deserve to be rewarded? Perhaps you are intrinsically satisfied, and others sense this and do not give you what you want? Or perhaps you have never felt that you can ask for a reward.
NEGOTIATE: Confrontation is a last resort. Before you do that, consider other techniques: bargaining, negotiation, playful openness, big picture thinking, long-term thinking. People may be more inclined to promise a long-term reward. That’s fine. Hold them to that. But again, this “reward” is least effective when it has reached this stage. The critical question to ask is: how can I make the system want to reward me?
GET CONCRETE: Too often, we ignore the fact that the bottom line is performance. Over-performance gets attention. Especially if it translates to currency. So look deeply into this and ask yourself-how can you be more goal-directed? How can you focus on the money? This sounds ridiculous, but most of us relate more broadly to our goals than specifically. The brain is wired to do this-it feels better. But the more we focus on concrete outcomes, even if they are boring the more we are likely to get rewarded. Let’s get concrete about this: in life, rewards require tradeoffs. If you can register what tradeoffs you need to make, and then move forward, rewards often come to you.
BE INTERNALLY AND EXTERNALLY REWARDED: One other problem, is that intrinsic motivation and extrinsic motivation work at odds in the brain. The more we are rewarded by things on the outside, the less we feel rewarded intrinsically. So we have to work carefully with this. We have to make sure that we are developing both tracks-and not just be automatic about this. We must “attract” rewards into our lives by adding value to the work we do-often by thinking beyond ourselves-authentically.
SPEAK FROM AN EMPOWERED POSITION: Insufficient reward comes from a sense of insufficiency. When you seek empowerment, you are working from a disempowered position. You declare yourself as disempowered. There is a subtle psychological difference, but disempowered people rarely actually feel empowered unless they recognize that this is their essential nature – to be empowered. And this does not require hype-just a calm acceptance of the miracle of being human, and the fact that our power is often not taken from us, but we are forced to cover it up. The good news is – we can reclaim this because it is always there – waiting to be uncovered. Listen to your favorite song. Think of a joyful movement, Document the five most wonderful things that have happened to you each day. Research shows us that these kinds of exercises can help us see the power that we are-and this is the kind of power that attracts success. It makes other want to see and recognize you.
Absence of reward is not as obvious as it seems-it is a self-fulfilling prophecy if all we do is resent and demand rather than find this capacity to inspire within ourselves.
ACTIONS: Insufficient reward
SWITCH IT UP: If a task is boring or repetitious, “switch it up”. Do it from different places if possible, or choose a time of day when you are least distracted and well-rested. Sometimes, we feel burned out because we assume that something we are getting tired of doing has to last forever. What if you realized that you could change you job? What if you realized you might not have considered all alternatives? Talk to someone you trust about this.
Connect to burnout buster community
e-mail my boss to set up a time to talk about a raise or shares in the company. Consider a restructuring of your salary around commission or ask if there is anything else you could do to improve your salary.
GO THE EXTRA MILE FOR CLARIFICATION: Test out the possibility of greater reward by going the extra mile on a couple of projects. Show, don’t say, how you can be useful repeatedly prior to having this conversation.
THEN:
e-mail my boss to set up a time to talk about a raise or shares in the company. Consider a restructuring of your salary around commission or ask if there is anything else you could do to improve your salary.
SELF-REWARD:
Skip a workout : Connect to calendar to remove exercise once only this month
Indulge in a meal: Connect to opentable
PEER REWARD: Consider setting up a system of meaningful rewards amongst your peers. If you are feeling this way, it is likely that many of your peers are feeling this way too. Explore whether you can come up with a system of rewarding each other as well.
RECOGNIZE YOUR SUCCESSES: Recognize not only the things you did not do, but also the things that you did.
e.g.
– Got to work in time
– Completed all scheduled tasks for the week (interacts with scheduler)
– Got billing done
– Returned all e-mails
– Returned all voice-mails
– Spent enough time with loved ones
– Spent enough time with friends
– Met target financial goals
– Exercised
– Made one important dietary improvement
– Maintained good overall health
GROWTH FOCUS: When choosing or considering a new a job, choose a job that has the potential for growth. For now, how can you grow in the next 6-12 months? How can you set-yourself up for growth in the next 6-12 months?
Maintenance: Insufficient reward
Review the actions steps you have taken and revisit every week to make minor tweaks.
Insights: Absence of Fairness
DISGUST, CONFLICT AND ANXIETY: Our brains are wired to detect unfairness. The slightest unfairness causes the disgust and conflict centers of the brain to activate, and the anxiety center activates as well. These centers disrupt thinking when they are so unstable, and as a result, it is difficult to be productive.
ASK DIFFERENT QUESTIONS: The internal chaos causes people to feel unrestful and resentful. If you feel this and you want the discomfort to stop, recognize that decreasing your anxiety can help if you reframe your feelings. Rather than asking: why is there no fairness, you might ask: what would make this situation fair and how can I achieve this? What amount of time and what interventions will I engage in to achieve this? Who else will I recruit to help me? Can I start with human resources?
UNDERSTAND YOUR OWN EXPECTATIONS: I would suggest that as with the other factors, absence of fairness starts with YOU. You first need to ask yourself: where does your expectation of fairness play in, and are you really being treated unfairly, or are you taking care of yourself poorly? Often, the first cause of distress is that when you are treated poorly, you feel so amotivated by this that you “forget” to treat yourself well. Look for other sources of happiness to strengthen your eventual approach. We are often more prone to feeling unfairly treated when there are several things going wrong at the same time. Is there something in your personal life? Are you feeling drained at home? Do you feel unappreciated all round? Rather than taking in out on those at home or those at work, address both factors simultaneously, or start with the safer of the two situations.
ARE YOU A SMART OVER-GIVER? Absence of fairness also comes from volunteering to overextend ourselves and then feeling badly that nobody will acknowledge this. What is in your psychology that makes you feel like you have to overextend yourself? Do you have a habit of doing this? Should you stop this? Can you be appreciated for who you are and the quality of work you do without being servant-like?
ANGRY AND DEPENDENT: Also, watch out for hostile dependence. Often, we become dependent on the institutions in which we work, and then become angry with them for taking our power away from us. This is inevitable when you work for someone. So take your power back. Recognize your choice to work there-and your fundamental capabilities. Also, change your relationship from one of dependence to one of value creation in exchange for genuine self esteem, knowing that your dependence can be exchanged for dedication if you think about this more deeply.
HIGHER PURPOSE: How do you exchange dependence for dedication? You go back to your higher purpose. You go back to appreciating your efforts to feed the mouths you are in charge of – your efforts to serve the world through this job – your efforts at being part of a global community and your importance within that network. Find a place where you can experience your importance in the world at large and give to this place.
UNCONSCIOUS PREJUDICE: Prejudice is also largely unconscious. If you recognize this, then you will need to examine other things that determine prejudice. One of the key factors involved in prejudice is fear-fear of the unknown. People are less inclined to acknowledge their fears-so they inadvertently make others part of an outgroup, and as a result, do not reward them.
Ask yourself when you see prejudice-how can you help others with their fears? How can you be more transparent? How can you acculturate so that you can show a willingness to meld identities and set an example doing this? This is not to say that you are to blame-just that you can take the lead and save time.
SHARE THE SHORTAGE: Also, fairness often dissipates when resources are scarce. So you can “take the hit” but make a point of sharing this sacrifice. And you can ask the question overtly-what can we each do to take some slack?
CHANGE YOUR POV: Fairness is also one of those factors that often is subjective, because what we think we deserve may not be what we actually deserve. So to help yourself solve this dilemma, ask yourself: from the perspective of the perpetrator, why do I not deserve more? That is, how do they live with being unfair to me? Do they really not care? Are they preoccupied by other things? Are they deliberately trying to be bad? Is this situation actually remediable at this workplace? Should I leave?
RESTORE YOUR AGENCY: Explore the whole spectrum of questions with someone you trust. It will activate your agency and this lack of agency is what causes so much of the distress in the feeling of absence of fairness anyway. You may sometimes feel that your taking the initiative all the time is unfair-but always ask yourself how you can protect yourself first. This is the most trustworthy thing. Then, you can turn to others. It is simply a matter of survival. If you have already done all that you can do, certainly complain, but complain effectively. Complain to those who can help you vent, or to those who can do something. Recognize that venting partners may not actually do anything. If you are going to be aggressive, then go for what you want fully. There is no point in half-complaining-it is likely to get you nowhere.
RESPECT: Always, in matters of unfairness, respect can help both parties. Aggression without violence is key-unfairness can trigger many primitive responses. So watch out for things you might regret, and if things feel too heated, consider cooling down before going in.
Actions: Absence of Fairness
EARLY SOLUTION: Address this early on with the relevant people. Address this early on with the relevant people. Address this early on with the relevant people.
Research has shown that this is the single-most important variable with regard to burnout. It is highly predictive of burning out and numerous scientific experiments have shown that people would rather get nothing than an unfair compensation or “reward”.
FAIRNESS INDICATOR: Use this check list to assess your propensity to fairness:
| Question | Yes | No | |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Do I approach new situations with the expectation of fairness? | ||
| 2 | When I am in the midst of change, do I automatically fear an unfair outcome? | ||
| 3 | When I met with a people I disagree with, do I ask questions or assume unfairness? | ||
| 4 | When responding to a situation, do I think about how to create fairness among all participants? | ||
| 5 | When I start a new project, do I consider how I can create an equitable outcome for all? |
Maintenance: Absence of Fairness
Review the actions steps you have taken and revisit every week to make minor tweaks.
Insights: Conflicting Values
REALITY CHECK: If you see conflicting values within an organization, ask yourself first if these are truly growing, or if you are simply growing more and more tired from not addressing them. Also, a business is a social system, and it is unlikely to address the values of all. Ask yourself if your conflicts are high drama or high relevance-and weight them accordingly. Once you have an understanding of the high relevance factors, ask yourself how to address them and what the opportunity in the conflict is.
WHAT IS THE OPPORTUNITY? For example, if you value innovation and the company values risk aversion, there may be an opportunity to add and not simply challenge. How can you bring both innovation and risk version to be considered in the company? If however, you value treating people respectfully and the company does not do this, the opportunity here is to draw attention to what feels disrespectful and how to ask: how else can we do this?
CONSIDER UNUSUAL SOLUTIONS: Often, when downsizing occurs, people are asked to leave on the spot. The shock and fear that this generates can be immense. If a company is downsizing, the entire group can come together to decide what feels most respectful and to acknowledge that this move is not about competence but about financial necessity. The group can also plan special possibilities for reintegration if this arises.
OPEN FORUM: Conflicting values make it difficult to take one’s job seriously or with the attention it deserves. Something more basic is disrupted, and people do not see themselves as art of the organization. Having an open forum to discuss this can help the phenomenon not fester. It can also be helpful to have an anonymous complaint center, but this only rarely truly helps.
DON’T JUST JOIN THE BANDWAGON: When values conflict, be careful not to fall into the polarizing trap again. Sharing your discontent with s select few simply weakens the organization. What would strengthen it, would be to test out your feeling against those of all others and then seek out a solution that is in the best interest of yourself, others and the organization.
WORLDVIEW REFLECTION: When we have conflicting values, we often feel like we do not belong. You usually have more choices than you think. Leaving should in most cases be the last resort, but banging your head against a wall is not an adequate interim solution. Instead, ask yourself how you can be effective-can you adopt the value of the organization and give up your own? How important are these values to you? Are they circumstance related or longer lasting? To what extent do your own worldviews restrict opportunities for you? Is this an invitation to change?
GROUND YOUR INTENTION AS BEING PRO-MISSION: These are the kinds of questions you will want to ask yourself, as you think more deeply about the conflicting values. Using a moral high-ground approach may work in the short-term, but it is usually more effective to activate empathy in the people in charge. A discussion is a good way to start-grounding it in-what is best for the organization?
CRISIS OF BELONGING: When people are sensitive to conflicting values, they are often having a crisis of belonging. So when this occurs, ask yourself: what makes you feel as though you do not belong? Why is belonging important to you? Can you be happy and progressive without belonging? Can you be effective when your values are only partly represented by a company?
Take a step back out of the heat. See what is really getting to you. And put things in perspective-in the realm of all the challenges you are facing, how critical is this?
Actions: Conflicting Values
HELP THE GROUP CONSTRUCT A VALUE SHEET:
Example: Family values are recognized at work; Trust is high; Transparency is high. Do a group check-in monthly.
BE EXPRESSIVE: Talk to your peers and boss about possibly conflicting values such as lack of flexibility, inadequate pay, workload that prevents interaction with family and other relevant dimensions. If you cannot talk to people, you might want to consider whether this lack of trust is a conflicting value for you as well and an indicator to be thinking of change.
FOCUS ON A FEW CHANGEABLE FACTORS AT FIRST: If you are female working in an all male environment or gay working in an all straight environment, you may find that conflicting values exist. Rather than expect that all values will and should be shared, focus on one or two core values that matter to you and then focus on aligning your own values with those of the company without compromising your position. For example, people often assume that if they have no time for their families that the work overload is in conflict with the demands of a company. However, it is rare that a company actually has an explicit goal of work overload. Senior management may not be aware of how this overload diminished productivity and actually compromises their fundamental goals. You and the company probably both share the value of “a job well done”. When you communicate with your management team, focus on how you can align values rather than what is not aligned after you have identified the latter.
ASK AT INTERVIEWS: When interviewing for jobs, focus on whether your own values are aligned with the values of the company.
IDENTIFY TRADEOFFS: List those values that you can compromise and those that you can’. When addressing conflicting values, address those that are most important first. Priorities are important when problem solving.
USE A MEDIATOR IF NECESSARY: Consider using a mediator when it appears that individual conflicts are too contentious to be resolved.
CONNECT WORK AND HOME BOTH WAYS: Talk to your partner/spouse or children when work demands increase so that they do not construe this as a lack of interest on your part.
Insights: Breakdown in Community
Whenever there is a breakdown in community, this can cause tremendous stress. It leads to feelings of exclusion, isolation, and disconnection. Felling included in a community can be motivating for several reasons.
COLLECTIVE INTELLIGENCE: Firstly, collective intelligence comes from a factor outside of maximum or average intelligence of a group. A recent study showed that a “c” factor, the collective intelligence index, is really an indication that when groups come together in a socially sensitive way, they can manifest an unusually high intelligence. This social sensitivity is not just a soft factor-it is biologically rooted.
BRAIN MIRRORS: If my brain is open to my own thoughts only – that is what it has to work with. If is is open to your thoughts, it has my thoughts and your thoughts to work with. But if you also socially sensitive to me, “your” thoughts will be your thoughts + my thoughts as well. And because my brain will mirror “you thoughts” it will also contain a third factor of data-which is “You + me” that is in your head. The diagram below explains this:
This kind of thinking is highly integrated and influential. When it works, energy is conserved in the group. When it does not work, energy is dissipated in the group. When there is a breakdown in the community, this breakdown can spread for this reason – breakdowns are then being mirrored in the brains of others.
INSTITUTIONAL TRANSFERENCE: For this reason, breakdown in community should be addressed as early as possible. The first thing to examine when we have this, is what is called institutional transference. We often bring our expectations from earlier lives into dynamics with companies. We expect a maternal or paternal response – we are disappointed if this does not happen. But we would be well served to rearrange our expectations to be devoid of this misplacement of expectations. It is simply a formula for disappointment. It takes our attention away from other kinds of relationships that we can build.
FORMING INGROUPS AND OUTGROUPS: Breakdown in community is often first experienced as polarization – ingroups and outgroups. This is one way of bonding and is common when there are stresses and resultant opinion-groups that form. When you first notice polarization, recognize that the mirrors of the group are being depleted-and try to bring the group together again.
PREVENTION IS BETTER THAN CURE: Better still, have a preventive strategy if this ever happens. In these days of economic instability, it is not uncommon for groups to be broken and reformed. This constant reforming of groups requires agility in the temperament of the new group. The trauma of disruption often leaves people feeling alone and afraid. But much of this can be prevented if outgoing members are treated with respect, and if remaining members focus on what they can do, rather than the trauma of what just happened.
Community integrity is central to the culture of the organization. And when the community breaks down, the culture is compromised. It is therefor important to appoint a culture-reminder (perhaps a person who can reinstate the cultural priorities after sequential disruptions.) Thus, breakdown in community needs a proactive and early intervention if the breakdown is to be prevented.
ACTIONS: Breakdown in Community
PEER CONNECTION: Talk to peers to ascertain similarities and differences in attitudes toward work and their own burnout.
PEER OUTINGS: Arrange peer group outings.
FEEDBACK GROUPS WITH ACTION PLANS: Arrange feedback groups without involvement of senior management.
REDUCE ISOLATION: Be aware when you are isolating and realize that isolation feeds on isolation. Show up at company events even if you are not inclined to. The longer you wait, the harder it is to change this behavior.
PROFESSIONAL HELP: Consider whether you may benefit from professional help such as a coach or psychiatrist.
GROUP ROLE: Realize that group process is tricky. Groups often function to promote the function of the group and there are “automatic” functions that people assume. Sometimes, groups will unconsciously elect to have one or two people carry the “complaining” function of the group, while others can be “resilient” or “angry”. If you notice yourself to be constantly in one role, experiment with taking the opposite position. Notice how the group will resist this change and how roles can shift merely to “balance out” the group.
Maintenance: Breakdown in community
Review the actions steps you have taken and revisit every week to make minor tweaks.